Author Topic: BARIS humor mod  (Read 110114 times)

Offline cartmancakes

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Gender: Male
    • Space Bull
BARIS humor mod
« on: February 01, 2007, 11:28:02 AM »
How does everyone feel about a humor mod for BARIS?  I can go through the failures, news, etc. and add some funny lines.

One thought I heard already was to change Heatshield fails into astronaut farts, suffocating crew.

Please list your ideas here, and I'll incorporate them.  Let's make this good!  I don't care what they are.  New Capsule names, news items, whatever.  One person said they want to see the mini-shuttle call GovPork.  Or we could have a 1MB decrease in budget because the gov't needs money for Area 51.  Let's go nuts!
Check out my webpage at www.spacebull.com!

Offline cartmancakes

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Gender: Male
    • Space Bull
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2007, 11:43:21 AM »
"Lander fueled with leaded gasoline by mistake, crashes and kills crew"
Check out my webpage at www.spacebull.com!

Offline surlalune

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 257
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2007, 12:13:20 PM »
How about:

"Truly sad. Calamity of the Cape/Bakionur. Crew of ten burned to death." Well, maybe not.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2007, 02:48:10 PM by surlalune »
I really don't know what to say...

Offline Satanic Mechanic

  • The Right Stuff
  • Moonwalker
  • ****
  • Posts: 1834
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2007, 01:11:34 PM »
  Or we could have a 1MB decrease in budget because the gov't needs money for Area 51. 
Or Alien technology found at Area 51, Mercury capsule safety goes up 25%.

Break through in Soviet Tractor technology leads to N-1 safety increase by 5%!

10MB bribe to congress to get next year's budget increase.

Super model picture taken on Gemini capsule, NASA makes pinup calender and generates 5MB!

Ted Kennedy got drunk and crashes into first launch of season, launch postponed to next season.


SM

Offline willgc

  • X-15 Pilot
  • *
  • Posts: 32
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2007, 01:42:18 PM »
Lunar Landing EVA failure: Astronaut trips getting out of LM, "That's one small step for man, one giant AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Lunar Probe Landing Failure: Scientists measure in feet, Technicians in meters. Lander ends up on Mars...

Offline Peyre

  • The Right Stuff
  • Apollo CDR
  • ****
  • Posts: 564
  • Gender: Male
  • Deception Island
    • My trip to Antarctica!
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2007, 03:13:00 PM »
"Dog sticks head out capule window during reentry, crew burns to death"

"Pretzel supply runs low.  Crew elects to abort mission"

(minishuttle) "Pilot attempt to loop-the-loop on landing approach fails, crew killed"

Offline cartmancakes

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Gender: Male
    • Space Bull
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2007, 04:49:54 PM »
You had me laughing out loud at work!  Not cool when goofing off!

"Out of toilet paper, abort mission" (probably on endurance step)

Is there any way I can incorporate the "From the Earth to the Moon" line where he says, "If you had any balls, you'd scream, 'What the hell is that!" and then cut the line."

I was told that this would work...

"During EVA, last communication received: OMG What is that Thing?!?!?!!"
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 05:29:58 PM by cartmancakes »
Check out my webpage at www.spacebull.com!

Offline Satanic Mechanic

  • The Right Stuff
  • Moonwalker
  • ****
  • Posts: 1834
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2007, 05:12:56 PM »
Spacecraft stolen and sold on ebay. Launch scrubbed.

Hoodlums spray paint rocket on pad,launch postponed until paint removed.

Gene Roddenbeery's ashes clog up reaction engines.  Abort mission.

Get ticket from Galactic Police for going too fast to the moon.  5MB ticket.

Commander on flight complains about hemmoroids, mission aborted.  Rough landing.

Government wants Howard Stern on next flight.  50MB will be supplied. (Add Howard Stern astronaut to roster with zero skills).

Moon people want 5MB for landing spot rental and 5MB for damage deposit.

USSR replaces kerosene with vodka, everyone is happy.

Teamsters refuse to deliver concrete for new launch pad, pay 2MB.

Drunken students going to Ft.Lauderdale postpone mission by one season.


Offline surlalune

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 257
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2007, 01:40:09 PM »
I know! How 'bout:

'The Government have wrecked the [insert program name] program and will fix it if you pay a 10 M.B. ransom. "I need more money and this is as good an excuse as any to get it," says the president.'
I really don't know what to say...

Offline cartmancakes

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Gender: Male
    • Space Bull
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2007, 03:05:27 PM »
I know! How 'bout:

'The Government have wrecked the [insert program name] program and will fix it if you pay a 10 M.B. ransom. "I need more money and this is as good an excuse as any to get it," says the president.'

LOL!!!

My brother sent this to me...

"Crew plugs up toilet, Duration scrubbed "

I want a few more before I start to put things into place.  Come on, guys!  Push it!  Let's go!


Check out my webpage at www.spacebull.com!

Offline Peyre

  • The Right Stuff
  • Apollo CDR
  • ****
  • Posts: 564
  • Gender: Male
  • Deception Island
    • My trip to Antarctica!
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2007, 03:14:52 PM »
"Suggestion to open a window taken too literally.  Crew asphyxiates."

"Astronaut [name] has won the [state] lottery and decided that work is for suckas."

"Crewman having difficulty on EVA, responds to Mission Control suggestion with obscene hand gesture.  Delay while national TV footage edited for content.  Mission proceeds without incident."

"Nitrous oxide leak during lunar EVA.  Astronaut decides to 'dig for gold' in lunar surface.  Leak repaired, EVA can proceed.  No precious metals discovered."

"Explosion on pad turns out to be impromptu fireworks display by astronauts.  Countdown resumed."

"Drunken crewman tries to hit satellite with beer bottle.  Porthole nearly cracked, crewman subdued.  Mission can proceed."

Offline surlalune

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 257
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2007, 03:40:49 PM »
"Astronaut barfs on controls - spacecraft spins out of control and crashes!" Or is that already there?

"Astronauts squished by effects of slackening speed in landing"

"Crew squished in launch phrase"
I really don't know what to say...

Offline cartmancakes

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 245
  • Gender: Male
    • Space Bull
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2007, 05:46:10 PM »
I would like to see some references to Hitchhiker's guide.  I was thinking about the Babel fish scrambling communications. 

Remember the Simpsons' episdoe when Homer goes to space?

"Ruffled potato chips short-circuit control panel"

"experimental ants attack crew.  Crew sprays bugspray.  Mission proceeds."

"airlock door stuck open.  Carbon rod is used to keep door closed.  Capsule survives re-entry."
Check out my webpage at www.spacebull.com!

Offline Satanic Mechanic

  • The Right Stuff
  • Moonwalker
  • ****
  • Posts: 1834
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2007, 06:17:42 PM »
Lunar Landing in Clavius crater obstructed by black monolith.  - 2001 reference

Lunar EVA discovers three dead cosmonauts and soviet spacecraft wreckage. - Countdown

Find spacecraft with big breasted woman in suspended animation. -  Matilda May in Lifeforce.

Rosie O'donnell exerts gravitational field.  Mission abort, emergency reentry.

Stumble upon "Galactica 1980" script on Lunar EVA, promptly reburied it.

Lunar EVA discovers tape machine belonging to John Crichton. - Farscape

Discover Cat-Women on the moon.  - 1953 movie "Cat-Women on the moon."

Offline surlalune

  • Apollo LMP
  • ****
  • Posts: 257
Re: BARIS humor mod
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2007, 04:24:19 PM »
"Spacecraft in orbit around the Van Allen Belts - which are round Van Allen's trousers!! The crewman are stunned. They figure this out three days after the launching. [Victim] throws up as soon as he did. He had no idea how the rocket got here! When the controls are given a sandwich bath, the spacecraft spins out of control and falls into Van Allen's underpants! Travelling down the wall of Allen's butt, [Victim] starts barfing more sandwich baths out onto the controls. But the pressure mostly hit the self destruct button, and so the spacecraft bursts into a ball of fire, burning a hole in Van Allen's pants! The crew survived, but blacked out. As they wait in the hospital emergency room, director/comrade [name] knows they'll never make it to the Moon on time. Maybe next time he should be more careful!!"

Did I go to far?! :D :D :D
« Last Edit: February 03, 2007, 04:28:16 PM by surlalune »
I really don't know what to say...